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ADHD Strain on Relationships

March 16, 2023


Relationships are tough, but especially when one partner has ADHD. While having ADHD does not make someone a bad partner and it does not mean you are doomed to be unhappy in a relationship, it does bring about different challenges for you both to face together. This “ADHD strain” can be especially true when one partner has ADHD and the other does not.

The main thing to remember if you want to improve your relationship, is that it’s a two-way street. The partner with ADHD is not just automatically at fault, nor is the non-ADHD partner. Both partners actions and reactions are equally important, and both need to be willing to make changes and compromise to create a healthy, happy home for all involved.

Common ADHD Relationship Challenges:

1. ADHD Denial

As with any problem, the first step is admitting and accepting there is one. Whether someone doesn’t believe their ADHD impacts the relationship or a non-ADHD partner doesn’t fully understand what ADHD is like, denial can be a big hurdle. It can be beneficial to help a non-ADHD partner learn about how ADHD symptoms impact everyday life, so they can better understand what’s really going on and improve communication.

2. Inattention Interpreted as Lack of Affection

One common misperception is that an ADHD partner’s lack of attention means they don’t care or love their partner anymore. It can make their partner feel lonely or ignored when inattention symptoms are taken personally. One prime example is when going from dating to marriage/living together. Many with ADHD exhibit hyperfocus during the dating phase—their world revolves around their partner, and they shower them with a lot of attention. When the relationship becomes more settled, there can be a drastic detachment which is jarring for the non-ADHD partner. The ADHD partner may have simply become distracted or returned to focusing on other aspects of their life. The best thing to do in this situation is to address it with your partner. Stating how this makes you feel ignored, but you know it’s not intentional, can help your partner realize how it comes across. Effort must be made on both sides to not take it personally when the ADHD partner’s focus is elsewhere and for the ADH partner to create a way to make sure they are giving their partner the time and attention needed.

3. The Ease of Miscommunication

We all know the saying to never assume…well, it’s true! Many times it’s easy to assume you and your partner understood what the other meant, and well, that can be disastrous. With ADHD in the mix, it’s easy to question the motives behind the ADHD partner’s actions since they may not always make sense to those without ADHD. Many times non-ADHD partners need to remember to take the actions at face value and not read more into the situation than is really there. Actions caused by inattention, hyperactivity, or emotional dysregulation, are not purposely done to hurt. If you question something, ask your partner what they meant. Don’t let the feelings fester but address them with your partner and see what can be done to help clarify things in the future.

The way confrontation or clarification happens is just as important as speaking up. Many times, nagging, complaining, and yelling enter the picture, which can make the ADHD partner pull away. Nagging creates shame, and shame creates distance. If your partner forgot to do the dishes for the fourth time this week, instead of complaining about how they need to try harder or doing it yourself begrudgingly, see if they might need to do things a different way than the norm. Task management can be a challenge with ADHD, so using reminders, apps, charts, etc. can be helpful tools. But just because there is a reminder system doesn’t mean that system will work for you and your partner specifically. Try out different methods to find what works!

4. Eggshell Emotional Response

Emotional dysregulation can present in many forms: outbursts, anger, tantrums, rudeness, etc. But when these symptoms go unchecked, it can feel like you have to walk on eggshells around your partner. Often the non-ADHD partner will begin anticipating the mood changes or reactions to please their partner, but when their attempts inevitably fail, resentment can creep in. The main thing here is unchecked symptoms. If the ADHD partner can treat this (whether with medication, supplements, behavioral therapy, meditation, etc.), these reactions can become less extreme for their partner.

5. Imbalance of Responsibilities

The bane of every relationship is chores and household responsibilities. Adulting is not easy, and neither is navigating who does what, when, and how things are done in your home. ADHD partners especially can struggle with completion of chores and forgetfulness. If one partner (ADHD or not) finds themselves handling more of the work, it can be frustrating and seem like their partner is irresponsible. Once again, finding the method that works for each of you can help chores go more smoothly and actually get done.

During the everyday chaos and challenges, don’t forget that you love and care about your partner. Their actions don’t negate them receiving empathy and compassion and neither do yours. The most important takeaway is that you’re solve the problem and dealing with the symptoms together, not just blaming your partner.

Remember that your brains operate differently, and neither way is right or wrong. Both are valid and you both need to feel accepted and heard for the relationship to flourish. Finding common ground and communicating effectively in the format your partner can receive is key.

If you'd like to learn more about ADHD for yourself or your partner, be sure to check out our article on managing adult ADHD!

Managing Adult ADHD

References:

Orlov, M. (2022, July 11). 9 Ways ADHD May Strain Relationships. ADDitude. https://www.additudemag.com/adhd-divorce-rate-marriage-help/

ADDitude Editors. (2022, October 31). The ADHD Strain: How Relationships Collapse Under the Weight of ADD. ADDitude. https://www.additudemag.com/slideshows/adhd-relationship-problems-how-add-can-hurt-couples/

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39 Reviews

Mariano

I just wanted to thank you and your company for your commitment with your patients. Fourth months ago I wasn't able to receive your product directly in Puerto Rico and today I can. This is how your company differentiate from others, hearing the voice of your customer and serving your patients.
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Veronica

I do want to provide feedback regarding the use of Accentrate 110 for my 14 year old son.  This dietary supplement has helped me son be able to work with his inattentiveness and not need any forms of medication. The supplement has helped my son be able to do his studies and perform his best as he continues to be on the Honor Roll. This support also made it possible to stop the other trial medication that was being prescribed that had awful side effects. I am glad I am able to purchase this supplement and support my son with his learning abilities and daily optimal functions.
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Carrie

As it was explained to my husband and I, regular fish oil doesn't quite break through the brain barrier (designed to keep all the stuff away from the brain/protective).  Anyway, there is a pill called Accentrate that contains fish oil and other supplements that are designed to get those nutrients to the brain more effectively. We have used this for a little while for our 7th grader. We do think it has helped focus and impulse control.
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Things are going great! Teachers have said she has done a complete 180. Her temper has gone down and grades are good! My husband went off medication (was on for several years) and switched to Accentrate as well because he saw her great results. He said he has been able to focus almost as well, but no longer has joint inflammation, irritability, and anxiety that comes with medication.
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Alissa

We are so pleased with this product! It has really helped my son!
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I am so thankful for this product. We were using Vayarin and then they stopped shipping to the US. This product works the same as the other one. We are so thankful because it has been life changing for our son.
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Kassie

I don’t think he’s going to need medication very much longer...Accentrate is amazing and has had an amazing effect on him. ❤️
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S. D.

I am the mom of a 14 year old son who was diagnosed in first grade with inattention and emotional dysreguation at the age of 6. It’s been a long and exhausting journey for us. Over the years he has taken many different medications. We have seen a psychologist, a neurologist, done therapy, tutoring and executive functioning boot camps. Nothing has worked as well as Accentrate. I am so thankful that our pediatrician finally recommended it to us. My son has been taking it since October, in conjunction with his medication, and the difference is incredible. I used to say I had a full-time job as his personal secretary. I used to have to constantly be on top of him to make sure he knew what his assignments were, that he was completing them and turning them in on time. We’ve had many long nights, sometimes well into the morning working because he just couldn’t focus. That is no more. I have been able to almost completely step back. He is now aware of what he needs to do all on his own. He packs his own book bag every morning without my help. I no longer have to hover over him to make sure he’s completing his work. Most importantly, he’s finished at a decent hour and no more frustration and arguments. He has been responsible for himself, as it should be. He does still have “off days” every now and then, so I don’t think we’re ready to go without the medicine yet, but I am optimistic now that the day will come where he won’t need it anymore and only take the Accentrate. I recommend it to anyone I speak to who is experiencing the same issues we are. I feel it has been a game changer for us.
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Leah

My dr. has prescribed Accentrate to help bring my triglycerides and cholesterol under control. I have a very finicky liver, and we (at this point) have yet to find anything that my liver can tolerate for longer than 6 months EXCEPT Accentrate. Thanks for letting me tell you what a great product you have and why my dr. has prescribed it for me. The customer service at Accentrate is first rate.
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Molly (adult and child user)

I bought the product Accentrate110 for my son and I who both have inattention and emotional dysreguation and are on medication. He is a teenager and his diet is terrible when he does eat so I wanted a quality supplement for him to start with. I read about Accentrate on ADDitude magazine's site and felt it was worth a try. My diagnosis is more recent than his and I have still not found the best med for me, so I wanted to try Accentrate too. We started about 3 months ago and even if it is in my own mind I think that Accentrate is helping with my son — it seems that his moods are better if he is consistently taking it — meaning, that he is less labile and dare I say more pleasant? For me, every little bit helps!
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Jill

I cannot even begin to tell you how thankful my family is for Accentrate. My 8yo stopped taking it for 6 weeks and went from homework taking 15 minutes to taking 3 hours. He also showed signs of autism (to put it in a manner many would understand). 4 days back on it and he was back to normal. That was in October 2019. We just added MZI, since we noticed increased hyperactivity from the old formula. He was able to swallow the capsule the past 2 days but wanted to try it on applesauce (which is how he took meds when he was on them. He is only on accentrate & MZI since June 2019.) He said it was disgusting and will take it in the capsule from now on 😂. Ty for an amazing product that is keeping my guy balanced, and focused in school and at home!
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Helen

We were Vayarin users until they stopped making it. We tried a few products that were supposed to be comparable, and they did not work for us. Then we found Accentrate. We had to find the right dose for my DD. Vayarin worked perfectly for her, and so does Accentrate. We are very thankful for this product and Jessica, she went beyond our expectations. Thank you Jessica and Accentrate.
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Pelac

Hello ,we used to use Vayarin for more than a year, than stopped produced it. This is our third mounth we use Accentrate. It’s even better than Vayarin! My son is 6 years old, the attention is now better. He speaks better too.
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Tammie

We are starting month 3 and we have seen lots of positive changes with emotional regulation...she is easier to compromise with and a lot quicker to calm self. She has been helping around the house and helping with younger brother ( hw with 6 yr old )…looking forward to many more positives …thank you.
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April

My 8 year old has struggles with inattentivenes. Sometimes he has a hard time following conversations and multi step instructions. He started Accentrate more than 2 months ago. His only comment was about the fishy burps! But now he takes them with a small snack and that isn’t a problem anymore. The main difference that we have seen is that he is having an easier time winding down at bedtime. He was having regular meltdowns but they seem to be fewer and farther between. I’m looking forward to seeing if there are any differences once school starts back up since we started at he very end of last school year.
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Lori

It has truly made a difference in our son’s life! We are so thankful to have it!
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Stephanie

We are nearing the end of our first 45 days of Accentrate for our two boys, and we are pleased to say that we did not skip a beat as we took our last Vayarin one day and we had the Accentrate ready for the next morning. It has been such a seamless transition-our boys (ages 10 and 11) have been able to remain focused and calm. I don’t even consider medication as an option any longer, and there was once a time (before Vayarin and Accentrate) when my husband and I couldn’t get through a day of parenting without our children being medicated. We have been medicine free since April 2018 and we couldn’t be happier-the children are now gaining weight since they don’t take meds, they don’t have the afternoon crash of the meds wearing off, and they are just normal boys! My kids even enjoy taking Accentrate so much more than Vayarin. They would fight us every morning when they took Vayarin saying it “tasted fishy”. Accentrate has NO taste, it is only one pill versus the two pills of Vayarin, and it slides down so easily. The kids just think of it as an extra multi-vitamin because it is filled with so many extra nutrients. They actually take Accentrate willingly! One other benefit of Accentrate-my 11 year old doesn’t even seem to have the edge of anxiety that is so normal for him, he is just so much more relaxed and happy!
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Kassie J

My son takes medication. And every day he would come home from school pale in the face with a headache, stomachache, feeling blah. I used to ask him how he was feeling and he’d say, “it’s hard to explain mom, cause I don’t really know how I feel.” We use to call it being zombified. He has now been taking Accentrate for 3 months and the difference in the way he feels, acts, eats is something I prayed for every single day. Accentrate gives my child the vitamins that his brain and body needs. I am amazed at the improvement of his overall health and I have Accentrate to thank. Thank you, you’ve given my son his “life” back! I strongly recommend Accentrate to any parent who has a child with inattention and emotional dysreguation.
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Jill F

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Navid

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Erica (Adult User)

Did you use the complete 30 (or 90) day supply? Yes, 90 day supply Did the Accentrate carton help with taking the softgel every day? Yes, but when you open the package, the first fold is for the last week which makes it a little confusing. In order to get to the first week you have to open the box and unfold the whole thing. Its also written upside down to the outer packaging. Did you notice any improvements in symptoms? Yes, I saw improvements. My irritability, mental fog, hyperactivity, and impulsivity tendencies decreased. Is the person that used Accentrate presently taking medication? Yes. Is the person that used Accentrate presently taking other dietary supplements? Yes.
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Lucinda

My 10-year-old son was diagnosed with combined-type inattention and emotional dysreguation when he was 5 and has been on medicine along with a multitude of vitamins since that time. I went to the International ADHD Conference in November 2018 and met the folks at Accentrate who explained the benefits of this vitamin/supplement for kids with inattention and emotional dysreguation. Interestingly, my son had been taking many of the vitamins contained in Accentrate (i.e. Methyl Folate, B-12, DHA/EPA and D3), however, he had to take a bunch of pills, sprays and drops as opposed to one Accentrate capsule. He took a 3-month supply of Accentrate from January – March. Since my son had already been taking most of the vitamins contained in Accentrate, I didn’t notice a difference in his attention, behavior or self-regulation. After the 3-month supply ended about a month passed when my son was not taking Accentrate. I noticed a HUGE decline in his self-regulation since not being on Accentrate! What this tells me is that Accentrate’s formula absolutely contributes to my son’s ability to self-regulate and focus. I really appreciate the ease of taking just one capsule as opposed to a plethora of vitamins and my son thinks the capsule smells like chocolate so he likes taking it. Highly recommend!
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Vincent

Sorry for the late review, but I just wanted thank you guys for such an awesome product. We’ve been giving my son Accentrate for a little over a month and a half and we are really starting to see a big change in my son. Before, he was super hyper and could not focus at school, he used to get easily annoyed and bored. Also, he could not deal with transitions, fidgeting, and making noises and whining. He always wanted to do good in school, but because of his inattention and emotional dysreguation, physically and mentally he was having a difficult time. The school he goes to color codes a kid’s day by his behavior. Red is bad, yellow is ok, green is a good day, and purple is an awesome day. Everyday he would get either a yellow or red, with a green intermittently, forget about him bringing home a purple. Fast forward to now, and he brings home at least one purple during the week, and almost green everyday. He’s only had maybe 3 or 4 yellows since he has been on it. This week he has earned student of the week, the first time ever in his life. I used to stress out everyday because I knew when I picked up my son, I would have to hear how he had a terrible day. Well not anymore. Accentrate has helped my son and I, tremendously. I hope my story can help the parents dealing with their children’s inattention and emotional dysreguation. Don’t rush into medicine without trying a more natural approach. Your kid will benefit in the long run. I started to research different alternatives and noticed some good reviews on Accentrate, that’s when I gave it a try. I can only imagine it will get even better with time. You definitely have a returning customer! I promote your product to everyone that is dealing with inattention and emotional dysreguation issues and will continue to do so. Again, I couldn’t thank you guys enough.
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Melissa

My daughter just started Accentrate a week ago, she is 13, about 105 pounds, 5 feet. I have been having her take one in the morning and at night more to get it built up into her system. I must say that I can definitely tell that all of her spark plugs are beginning to fire. I always knew inattention and emotional dysreguation was a nutritional deficiency coupled with behavior training, I’m so glad to find something that works for her. She has never been evaluated, but I have inattention and emotional dysreguation. When I recognized her symptoms I took her out of school and homeschooled her for two years just to help build new behaviors that she could carry with her. That’s not easy. It’s so hard to make habits! I’m noticing since we started Accentrate, however, that she is starting to slow down.
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Mark (Adult User)

I have been on Accentrate for almost 3 months. I take 2 pills daily. I haven’t missed any days.
Prior to starting Accentrate I was on medication. Around 1 month into the Accentrate, I could tell things were changing for me because I felt overstimulated when I took my medication. I have since had my dose decreased to 30mg. Things seem to be better now. Not overstimulated. I’m hoping with continued use of Accentrate, I will continue to decrease my need for medication. I’ve had no side effects from the Accentrate that I’m aware of.
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Mandy

We are on month 4 of Accentrate and my 11 year old girl seems so much better!
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M Tucker

My son was diagnosed with Ainattention and emotional dysreguation when he was 9. When he was 10, his school pulled my wife and I in and said without saying, “Put him on medication.” We wanted to try a natural route first. We first tried Vayarin for three or so months. We didn’t notice any improvements. Then we found Accentrate, which has the phospholipid omega-3s that Vayarin has, but also has many other vitamins, minerals, and cofactors, and it was cheaper so we thought we’d give it a try. He’s been on it for more than six months. At his parent teacher conference and his report card, his teachers have said his attention and focus is improved. He’s still hyper at home and when we go out. But he can sit and read. He can sit in class and pay attention. We haven’t ever given him medication yet, and for now, I don’t think we will.
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Linda W

My son has been steadily improving with his behavior after 3 months on Accentrate. He has had far less episodes at home and at school. He went from failing in all subjects except gym and art, to passing all but one subject, which is reading. I would gather that reading is probably the toughest subject for a child with inattention and emotional dysreguation. He still has a horrible memory, so I am hoping with continuous use of Accentrate this will improve as well.
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Kendra O

My 3 kids were diagnosed with inattention and emotional dysreguation recently and our family wasn’t ready to try medicine just yet. I’ve spent at least a couple hundred dollars on different vitamins but they either tasted gross, too chewy or just couldn’t stomach them. I was introduced to Accentrate recently and thought we’d give it a try with our kids. They’ve been on it pretty regularly since summer and they say it helps them. I think it’s a solid product just by doing my own research on what vitamins are beneficial for children with inattention and emotional dysreguation. This is the only vitamin that I have found that combines everything I was looking for. My kids range in age from 8-12.
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ADHDmomma

The ingredients in this product are exactly what are used to treat MTHFR genetic polymorphisms, common in kids with inattention and emotional dysreguation and autism. My son takes all of the methylated vitamins in this for MTHFR.
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Jen P

My son has been taking Accentrate for the last four months. We’ve noticed improvement and have not felt that medication is necessary right now. The first benefits we noticed were calming in his behavior. He had fewer mood outbursts. He still did, but to a noticeably lessor extent. We have found recently, that we do not have to hassle him to sit and do his homework or reading either. His inattention and emotional dysreguation is still noticeable, but much more manageable. And we are happy that we do not have to medicate at this point.
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Corrie

I actually purchased the 3-month supply for both me and my son, so we’re almost through the whole package. Hence, the additional order placed this week. I wanted us both to try it first for a month or so to determine if it’s something we’d like to keep taking. I have noticed some improvements in both of us – specifically in our ability to remember things. That’s been a big issue for both of us – something I’ve often referred to as being “scatter-brained.” I’ve noticed more changes in my son, so I think it’s impacting him more quickly than me, but I’ve seen enough to want to continue. As for the product itself, we love the packaging with the dates – birth-control style, but of course, I’d never tell my son that, because he’d stop taking it. LOL! But seriously, it can be difficult to remember if we’ve taken medicine from day to day, so have a package that helps us manage that is so helpful! It also looks very medical – I had to convince my son that it was like a daily vitamin and not “a medicine.” He didn’t believe me, because of the packaging.
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Cherie M

My son has been on Accentrate since June 2018. He is doing very well. He was hyperactive and would get easily agitated. The first thing we noticed was that he had significantly calmed down after a week of taking Accentrate. We didn’t notice improvements in focus or attention until later in September, but this might also be because he wasn’t in school in June or July. We’ve continually reordered because we feel it helps. It’s nice to take one pill instead of multiple supplements.
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Cherie M

The first thing we noticed was that he had significantly calmed down after a week of taking Accentrate. We’ve continually reordered because we feel it helps. It’s nice to take one pill instead of multiple supplements.
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Twinkie Mom

Accentrate has been very successful for our family. We started our son on it roughly 2 months ago and have noticed an improvement in his behaviour and his focus. Conversations with him are more enjoyable and he seems to be able to keep himself settled a bit more. We like that this product is all natural and that it feeds the brain everything it needs. For this reason, we’ve decided to put our other child on this supplement as well. A few weeks in, we coupled Accentrate with a gluten free and dairy free diet and noticed even greater improvements. We would recommend this product to anyone wanting a natural alternative to medication.
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Nikki

My son just finished up the three-month supply we bought and we are re-ordering. While this didn’t help him focus and concentrate like the medication did, there was enough improvement that I’d rather him be on a natural product than on an addictive substance with side effects. His teachers say that he is manageable and are supportive of our decision.
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Rebecca

We did not want to medicate our daughter. We searched for different alternatives. We saw that fish oils, magnesium, multi-vitamins might help. And they did. But it was always hard having her take three different pills. This product is great because it’s one small pill with all these nutrients that we were already comfortable with. She didn’t like the fish oil pill, and said it was very fishy. This doesn’t taste fishy to her at all. The tracking component of the packaging is just brilliant. It’s helped us more than once notice we missed a day.
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